The Nightmare Before Christmas

• Posted on 24 December 2019
• 0

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and so I’ve been told

There was no dirt digging, not even by moles

The calendar now says, “It’s officially winter”

That fact is substantiated, by the empty garden center

Like bears in the winter, who need hibernation

Many gardeners too choose, horticultural procrastination

We know spring’s a-comin’, warm weather and all that

But it’s hard now to envision, warm sunshine and straw hats

The need for sunscreen, and mosquito repellants

Is far away now, if the truth I be tellin’

Even though they’ve been saying, “It’s an El Nino year”

It’s that one really cold night, which brings us to tears

Meteorologically speaking, the temps may be warm

But that doesn’t mean, plants will come to no harm

See plants aren’t concerned, with the temperature averages

They just react to frigid, cold weather ravages

It takes but one night, in the sub-zero range

To inflict plant damage, and cause us great pain

But that night is not now, nothing foreseeable ahead

Just keep it in mind, as you lie down in bed

No tossing and turning; don’t worry all night

The things you’ve forgotten, will work out all right

Recollectional failure, doesn’t mean you don’t care

You simply ask, “What?” when you mean to ask “Where?”

So off to your slumber, with gardening dreams so sublime

You’ll completely forget, it is now Christmas time

Your dreams will be massively, intricate gardens

Now under construction, with deadlines forthcoming

There’s rain in the forecast, now some say deluges

That creates rivers of runoff, between Alberta spruces

It’s not May 2010, or Hurricane Christine

Simply sugar induced nightmares, and too much caffeine

The horrific events, from which you awaken

In reality are figments, of your imagination

You arise relieved, now restored to reality

To the fact there has been, no landscape fatality

Christmas morning looks bright, no mudslides and mayhem

Only poinsettias and presents; you know I’m just sayin’…

Our appreciation for you, we cannot overstate

Merry Christmas to you, from us here at Bates!

Have yourself a joyous holiday season,

David Bates