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A Nightmare Before Christmas

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A Nightmare Before Christmas

A special holiday performance for you, by Allegra Cramer (click here), plus Buck-a-Gallon (details here)!

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and so I’ve been told

There was no dirt digging, not even by moles


The weather says, “It’s a winter sensation”

That fact is substantiated, by horticultural procrastination


We know spring’s a-comin’, warm weather and all that

But it’s hard now to envision, warm sunshine and straw hats


The need for sunscreen, and mosquito repellants

Is far away now, if the truth I be tellin’


Even though they’ve been saying, “It’s a La Nina year”

It’s that one really cold night, which brings us to tears


Meteorologically speaking, the temps may be warm

But that doesn’t mean, plants will come to no harm


See plants aren’t concerned, with the temperature averages

They just react to, frigid cold weather ravages


It takes but one night, in the sub-zero range

To inflict plant damage, and cause us great pain


But that night is not now, nothing foreseeable ahead

Just keep it in mind, as you lie down in bed


No tossing and turning; don’t worry all night

The things you’ve forgotten, will work out all right


Recollectional failure, doesn’t mean you don’t care

You simply ask, “What?” when you mean to ask “Where?”


So off to your slumber, with gardening dreams so sublime

You’ll completely forget, it is now Christmas time


Your dreams will be massively, intricate gardens

Now under construction, with deadlines forthcoming


There’s rain in the forecast, now some say deluges

That creates rivers of runoff, between Alberta spruces


It’s not May 2010, or Hurricane Christine

Simply sugar induced nightmares, and too much caffeine


The horrific events, from which you awaken

In reality are figments, of your imagination


You arise relieved, now restored to reality

To the fact there has been, no landscape fatality


Christmas morning looks bright, no mudslides and mayhem

Only poinsettias and presents; you know I’m just sayin’…


Our appreciation for you, we cannot overstate

Merry Christmas to you, from us here at Bates!


We wish you the happiest of holidays!



David Bates


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