I will begin by extending a formal apology, in advance, for all apparent misspellings, grammatical gaffes, and explicit misuse of words. Tomaters. Many simply truncate it to ‘maters. If you’re a native, you already know that. If you’re from anywhere in the south, this is not new information. If you were born more than 100 yards beyond the Mason-Dixon line, well git ready ‘cause the time for Tomater Love has arrived! I’m not talking about some salacious kind of affair, no sir (or m’am as the case may be) I’m talking about true love. Heck, you can grow your own, without the slightest worry of whether some law is being broken. The only paranoia you may experience is the fear of your neighbor staring lustfully across the fence at your most prized and pampered love…Tomaters!
Hell, we all know this is the ultimate competition; don’t act like you’re doing this just for fun. Here is where score keeping is at its pinnacle. You want to have the FIRST tomaters, the biggest tomaters, and of course, the most tomaters. If all that ain’t enough, you have to do some serious name-dropping whilst discussin’ your undisputed reign and authority over the aforementioned fruit.You’ll be talking about your Bradleys, your Big Boys, your Early Girls and everyone will just be rollin’ their eyes because this is the same stuff you plant every year. But this year, you have a plan. You will blow their minds when you go ‘Heirloom’ on them. You will no more have gotten Cherokee Purple, Brandywine, and Orange Oxheart out of your mouth before they concede defeat. Tomater Love can be downright dirty!
It is true that we have 85 varieties of tomato plants. It is also true that within that larger group we have 22 heirloom varieties to choose from, and thanks to the ‘Mighty’ Melissa, we have them categorized in ways that might be mildly shocking…extremely informative though. Look for the big, yeller, TOMATER LOVE sign in the greenhouse; and let the games begin!